soji's Poetry
Some days are...
When I was young
(just last Tuesday)
the world was a wondorous place
a grand, great-to-be-alive place
but, full of unanswered riddles
and mysterious things
I could never hope
to understand.
But, now it's Wednesday
and I am older
(I'm always older on Wednesdays)
and the world
is still very much the same.
Tomorrow, if it's Thursday
I may be a drum.
(I'm not always a drum on Thursday)
Alone
Alone
in the silent hours
thinking of you
Alone
in the silent years
remembering you
Alone
for that silent moment
when I could have said
I love you.
3 american haiku
*
8th grey day of rain...
even the flowers
in my garden
seem sated.
**
See, I leave paths
in these fields of diamonds...
shuffling through
dew laden grass.
***
Summer evening concert
crickets and cicadas harmonize
solo by Mr. Frog
!
good morning
Brash morning light
hesitates...
outside our loving room window
reluctant
to awaken your shining beauty
to spend another day
competing.
snow...
snow
wind
candle
night
day
laughter
rainbow
youth
tears
i love you
I think of love
I think of love
of soft to touch
of sweet to smell
of lovely to hear
I think of love
of starbursting midnight skies
of liquid sunshine misty mornings
of moonlit hand-in-hand walking beaches
I think of love
of a kitten sleeping in my lap
of lilacs April afternoon blooming
of childrens outside playing laughter
I think of love
I think of you.
Echoes
Careening down hallways of loneliness
my fears echoing in my ears
I cry out, and I am mocked
by my own voice.
A light! I am saved!
and laughing, I turn the corner
but it is only an illusion.
Now the loneliness laughs
at its cruel jest.
But I can go on,
for you are there.
I can escape tis madness
that surrounds me,
for you are there.
There is hope,
while you are there.
ARE YOU THERE?
Are You There?
are you there?
untitled
Living - Loving
together - each other
peacefully - joyfully
content - exploring
knowing - wondering
in love - alive
Content...
Content in my discontent
I would love secretly
fearing the pain
of rejection.
Better, I thought
to fantasize
than to face the possibility
of rejection.
Then, one day
I found a love
my boundless dreams
could not contain.
I cast aside my fears
bared my soul
and gave my heart...
Rejected.
I may love again
but only in dreams
and be content
in my discontent.
Sharing the way...
Walking the winding road
sharing the way
with fellow travellers
occasional nods, a smile
a handclasp
pointing out
to one another
the wonders 'long side
the way...
a clump of flowers
a golden field of grain
the song of a cricket
even the ravages of a passing storm;
one must exclaim the beauty
of its unbridled strength.
Travelling thus
each moment holds new delights
new experience
is a life in itself
So filled with the wonder
of each moment
I take each step unfettered
with concern for the next.
Rounding a bend along the way
I come upon a man
with his back to the road
facing a sheer wall
of cold gray rock
that at some point above
breaks its sheer climb
to cross singing meadows
and forested havens of life
then climbs again
until its snow covered crest
brushes lightly against the blue...
but the man sees nothing of this
he moves his head to neither side
up, or even down
to witness the life
in profusion
at his very feet.
"May I be of any service?" I ask
He turns a cold "No." in my direction.
"What are you doing here" I ask
"Waiting" he replies
"For what, sir?"
"A beautiful experience."
...a butterfly pauses in its flight
a brief moment
upon his head
"Would you turn your head then
and witness the world around you?"
"No! I may miss it!"
I open my mouth to object
when a soft hand touches mine.
"Come', she said
' he cannot be dissuaded from waiting
and there are many like him.
They wait in caves and dark places
shutting their eyes to the beauty around them
hoping for that which surrounds them;
wanting eternity but fearing it
for they are unable to see the beauty
in each moment of it."
I smile and say
"Some day,
the mountain will wear away"
and we walk along, laughing
watching two lambs frolicking
in a pasture beside the way
as the evening sun admires its reflection
in the now golden peak
and a field of flowers
tosses their fragrance
across our path
bidding us to enjoy
a moment
an eternity
I want to love you..
I want to love you
to find the key
that unlocks the door
to the soft warm core
inside of you
To soothe for a moment
the fierce fear
that bares its claws
when love comes near
To strip you bare
of every care
and linger in the light
of your loving eyes
To share the secrets
hidden deep
in the darkest corners
of your soul
To make your memories
of loving sweeter
To caress you
gentle you
kiss you
keep you
embrace you
and set you free
I want to love you.
Only nothing...
Only nothing is forever.
But, not all of nothing
is forever.
Sometimes
you will find something
where nothing was.
Eventually, though,
you will always find nothing
where something was.
untitled
However,
A moment...
Clinging, grasping
mouthing impassioned pleas and promises
of forevers.
ego feeding embraces
warm, moist passion
consumes anxieties;
giddy, breathtaking discoveries
of soft firm flesh
and something more......
with reason overwhelmed
in a surge of emotions
and buried
in a smother of flesh,
truth emerges
heaven is at hand
exploding, flashing, tearful ecstacy
we are one
and all that is
in the eternal now.
but, passion retreats
and emotions cannot withstand
the relentless march of reason
and we are left again
clinging, grasping
mouthing impassioned pleas and promises
of forevers
in hopes of a moment.
They tell me...
They tell me
that by doing it this way
I'll save time.
I wonder; Will I be able
to use that time
when I need it?
Hello, I'm Mr. Barnes
and I'd like to draw
fifteen minutes
from my temporal account.
Certainly! Would you like that
in AM or PM, sir?
I try...
I try so hard to be
what you wish in me
that I will no longer be
when you are in love with me.
Now & then
"Are you trying to tell me
you don't love me
like you used to?"
I have never loved you
like I used to...
I just loved you
the way I was loving you
right then.
Softly...
Softly invading
now and then dreams
smiling, beckoning,
then hiding
while I search
longingly
for something
that if I found
I could not hold.
more American haiku
*
Foolish autumn moon
becomes entangled
in the branches of the tree.
**
Riverside hut
hangs suspended
in early morning mist.
***
Autumn leaves
brighter now
bejeweled by morning dew.
*
Love found...
Wrapping my mind
in your warm glow
the clamor stops
no questions
no expectations
in that moment
I am free
I love
love lost.
I destroyed
your remains today
the small remnants
of a love
and a person
I created,
something that never was
out of nothing that ever was
in lonely desperation
to fill a need
and you were perfect
of course;
a bright warm glow
to fill a gut wrenching
empty
darkness
a harsh unreal reality
that became
softened and dreamlike
in your presence.
The shadows and echoes
of your being
swallowed by the sea now
like the setting sun.
A few vignettes...
I
Broken hearted
but smiling
in spite of it
or perhaps
because of it.
II
Old man
spring blossoms
bends to enjoy
and falls
III
I pointed out
the moon to you
I am not offering
just sharing.
IV
In the quest
to find ourselves
it would be so much simpler
if what we found
turned out to be
what we were looking for.
V
Silly kitten
has finally caught its tail
Careful...
too hard a bite
could spoil the game.
3 Blue Haiku
~
Field of blue flowers
Rippled by summer breezes
what a fragrant sea.
~
~
Bluebirds arrive early
this fine summer morning
begging for breakfast treats.
~
~
~
Ah, this warm spring day
may finally melt
this icy blue winter mood.
Sweet music...
A baby cries
an old man farts
ah, sweet music of life.
Reflections on the occassion of another milestone...
I have walked the blue hills
that formed the horizon
of my child-home;
walked the blue hills
and beyond.
Beyond mountains
more majestic
than told in tales
beyond great seas
never so vastly imagined.
I have walked sunlit streets
crowded with humanity
and dark alleys
where the barely human
barely abide life.
I have walked in driving rains
and gentle mists
in unrelenting desert heat
and in the soft warmth
of spring.
My feet have been numbed
by winters icy onslaughht
and danced exhilarated
on autumns carpet of fire.
I have flown to peaks of ecstacy
on loves gentle wings
and plummeted to the depths
of despair at loves lost
known love and hate
joy and sadness
lent a hand
and turned my back
on a fellow man.
The years and miles
fade behind me
memories dim
scars heal
footprints
where I have trod
disappear.
But, that is yesterday...
todays dawn breaks
and in the distance
the blue hills
that form this new horizon
beckon me
to begin another day
to continue
this magnificent journey
called life.
Able bodied seaman...
He had
a greasy
paint spattered
friction taped soul
and saw the world
with only one eye.
"But," he said
"what difference
does it make?
It all works."
Lemonade afternoons, ice cream Sunday ...more haiku
~
Lemonade afternoon
slowly front porch swinging
passing neighbor waves.
~
~
Walking barefoot
on fresh mown grass
the old one smiles
~
~
~
Lemonade afternoon
fades into twilight
fireflies tango over the lawn
~
~
~
~
Ice cream Sunday
young girl in pink dress
savors strawberry sundae.
Buffaloes & butterflies
I was watching
a buffalo stampede
in Tibet
in 1903
when a Monarch butterfly
happened by
peeped in the porthole
then disappeared
in a fog bank.
Who would you watch
a Tibetan buffalo stampede with
but Teddy Roosevelt?
All my life
All my life
a dull ache
an awareness
of something missing.
Then, suddenly,
You were there.
The ache
became a memory
in the warmth
of love filled
summer days and nights,
remembered not at all
in autumns
rapturous delights.
Winters chill
held no portent;
the joy we knew
seemed heaven sent.
Springtime now
brings another dawn;
I turn to hold you
but you are gone...
Sharp pain now
but I'll shed no tears;
just cherish the memories
for all my years.
Saga of a Modern Mariner
Long sleepless nights
with little else to do but think
think of where you are not.
Hours to remember the moments
in the arms of your loved ones.
Hours to remember the moments
in the body of your loved one.
Time to remember the tears
in the eyes of the little one
who doesn't understand why,
why is her daddy leaving again?
It caught her unexpected this time
the half packed suitcase,
why?
You try to explain
but the words sound hollow,
you don't really believe it yourself,
not when you think
about what you're leaving.
So, then, you don't think about it.
Now, in the lonely hours,
the tears flowing are yours,
but they don't look like tears
or feel like tears.
They have the look of despair,
they have the feel of emptiness
that happens when love is far away.
You're caught in a trap,
the trap of habit.
Such a devious trap.
You hide it yourself
with rationalizations
and they come and let you out
every two months.
Ahh, the sweetness when you're out.
The warmth in your loved ones arms,
the heat of passion in your loved ones body.
The tears in the little ones eyes
are sparkles of joy
and the minutes
and the hours
and the days
slip away like a lovers summer.
The days laugh, the nights smile
and you are caught up
in living and loving
and living and loving
to catch up.
To catch up
on all the moments you missed;
trying desperately to make up
for nights and days
and love and life,
all the moments
when you were needed
and wanted...
You can't.
The time is gone
and time gone is time lost,
lost forever.
The opportunities, the problems,
the successes, the failures,
all gone beyond your grasp.
What could have been, isn't,
can never be.
But, you try.
You try so hard that you barely notice
it's almost that time again.
Oh, it creeps in
but you dismiss it,
you don't really want to notice.
Being where you are
feels so good.
Why spoil it?
Then, the ticket comes
undeniable
Special Delivery.
Even now,
surrounded by love and warmth
and caught up in living
what it was like seems unreal
and far away
a bad dream perhaps
and maybe it wasn't really that bad
and this time off has sure been great
and, well...afterall, we do have to pay the rent.
Firm resolve: Next time...
(it's always next time)
I'll find something else
Next time I'll start to look around earlier
at other possibilities.
In the meanwhile, though,
it's really been wonderful
and I hate to go
but we gotta eat.
You're gone again,
caught up in your trap
so neatly concealed
with rationalizations,
and memory helps.
Good old memory
smooths out all the rough spots,
stuffs the loneliness away
in little pockets
out of sight,
even drags up an enjoyable moment or two
or a conversation with a shipmate
to help you along.
You're at the airport
and reflex takes over
and you're jockeying for position
in the check in line
and then the long walk
down lifeless corridors
that could be used for a movie set
where the inhabitants of the planet
are robots
with metal hearts
and crystalline brains,
no feeling required.
It's that way everywhere you go,
airports are not built for flesh and blood human beings.
Oughta buy a magazine...
your plane is now ready for boarding...
the stewardess smiles the same
"allthewaybackonyourleft" smile
(they call it professional)
and "Hey buddy, how was yer time off?"
Just great, looks like we're at the back of the bus again."
Fly for two hours
wait at another airport for four...
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot...
gawd, I hope this character next to me doesn't snore...
she does.
Another airport
milling around, luggage grabbing,
you say no to the strange accent
trying to sell you a taxi ride...
there's a bus waiting
and at the end of that
the ship.
The smell of loneliness is cleverly disguised
by spreading confusion around the trap
and the lonely desperation of the other crew
has been replaced
by the joy of expectation,
they are being released,
going home!
It doesn't come yet
the log trip and confusion
dull the senses.
New faces, my name is--- means
"who the hell are you?"
The "beach people" smile(they don't have to go)
and "where's the gawdam messdeck?"
"Hey, anybody seen----?"
it's called Port Call.
The lines are finally cast off
it's even a relief
just to escape the confusion
and you're underway
watching the people,
the city,
the land
slip away.
It's gentle
this final move
away from love
from warmth
from those that really care.
The ship slips through the water
dragging its wake along
and drawing a shroud of blue around itself
from horizon to horizon
till all you can see
is blue on blue
sky on sea
and now,
now it begins once more.
Long sleepless nights
with little else to do but think,
think of where you are not...........
To love you...
To love you
was a dream;
to share the warmth
the light
the softness of you
seemed out of reach
even for the dreamer
who effortlessly raced
across heavens bounds.
Then you touched the dreamer
and all the dreams
he'd ever dreamed
came true
in the warmth
the light
the softness of you
and he soared to heights
that seemed out of reach
even for the dreamer.
You, we, us... You rage
You rage
You weep
you presumably lose sleep
over the plight
of the poor
the homeless
the sick
the children
whose fathers
mothers
the whole world
have deserted.
Lamenting
the lack of caring
of sharing
love
in our cities
our nations
our world.
We sit around
decrying
the injustice
the inequities
the hate
the crime
the waste;
blame
the government
politicos
big business
religion
unions...
"Them"
"those others"
All the ills of
the world
the nations
the cities
the neighborhoods
our homes!
are
"their fault"
It's
"just not fair."
Well,
good news!
there's a light
at the end
of the tunnel!
Oh,
that's not a light
it's a reflection
of yourself
when you take a moment
an hour
a week
(you decide how much)
and
make a committment
give of yourself
your time
skills
hands
eyes, legs
some sweat
your LOVE
at a shelter
a hospice
a clinic
a library
a hospital
a food bank
even something
as seemingly ignoble
as a litter strewn street
(opportunities abound).
Too much to ask?
OK!
Then instead of weeping
give a smile
to a stranger
instead of raging
say a kind word
instead of blaming
accept responsibility.
It's your world
if you don't like it
YOU
must
be the one
the place
where change starts.
I see you...
I see you
and I know
our love was grown
in some other time.
Shall we love again
now
or perhaps tomorrow
in an eternity yet
to be.
We loved then
I know we shall again.
Across infinite miles...
Across infinite miles
having travell'd paths
man can only dream of,
the meteor screams into ,atmosphere
and is gone
in a brilliant flash
no longer than it takes
a child to say
"I wish.."
Chill grey day...
Chill grey day
tinny loudspeaker Xmas carols
fill the air
above heads-down shoppers,
plodding through muddy remnants
of lackluster falling snowflakes,
trying to remember
that Christmas
is just around the corner.
Transendance
swirling, whirling
lights
flashing
green, blue
colors, dark
white, light
voices whisper
shout!
Hang on! Hold tightly!
I cling
grasping my
time-space-place
like a child
clinging to
the upright strut on a
playground - merrygoround
and watch the others
clinging too
with arms & legs
mouths laughing & grinning & shouting
under fear lit eyes
Hold on! Tightly!
Hang on, dear ! mother says
Hold tightly, son! father says
flashing swirls
white
bright
light
dark
soft
outsidesomewhere
voices....
What?!
Let go! Let go!
Let go?! Hell, no!!
Others clinging shout...
Don't! Let! Go!
smoky blue
deep brown
bright green
eyes
ask me
Hang on Daddy?
swirling
light
voices
flashing
bright
red
darkness
Let go !
Well...my arms are getting tired...
What?!
Hang on, mister! ! Hang on, Daddy?
My God, I don't know! !
Flashing
smoky
deep
bright
voices sing
Wrong again!
shout
Let go!
Who's out there?
All of us.
Who?
You.
Go screw!
No, you let go.
No! Don't! Let go!
Your place
in time & space
is anynow & everywhere
Let go!
I can't
Why?
I'm afraid!
Exactly
Fingers numb
flashing
lite
white
bright
darkness
clinging
singing
Rock of Ages
huh?!
We'll drown them out
Why
don't
you
drop
a
Bomb?
okay
NO!!
Gran'pa, I love you
Rock-a-bye
swirling swimmimg
misty shimmering
smoky clear
gray blue
flashing shining
let go! let go!
You sure? YES!!
okay
Outside now
time
my
space
relinquished
place
reality
I see
small swirling whirls
of clinging arms
fear lit eyes
sing I love you
shouting
Rock of Ages
&
D
R
O