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When I was young (just last Tuesday) the world was a wondorous place a grand, great-to-be-alive place but, full of unanswered riddles and mysterious things I could never hope to understand. But, now it's Wednesday and I am older (I'm always older on Wednesdays) and the world is still very much the same. Tomorrow, if it's Thursday I may be a drum. (I'm not always a drum on Thursday)
Alone in the silent hours thinking of you Alone in the silent years remembering you Alone for that silent moment when I could have said I love you.
* 8th grey day of rain... even the flowers in my garden seem sated. ** See, I leave paths in these fields of diamonds... shuffling through dew laden grass. *** Summer evening concert crickets and cicadas join in symphony and listen a solo by Mr. Frog !
Brash morning light hesitates... outside our loving room window reluctant to awaken your shining beauty to spend another day competing.
snow wind candle night day laughter rainbow youth tears i love you
I think of love of soft to touch of sweet to smell of lovely to hear I think of love of starbursting midnight skies of liquid sunshine misty mornings of moonlit hand-in-hand walking beaches I think of love of a kitten sleeping in my lap of lilacs April afternoon blooming of childrens outside playing laughter I think of love I think of you.
Careening down hallways of loneliness my fears echoing in my ears I cry out, and I am mocked by my own voice. A light! I am saved! and laughing, I turn the corner but it is only an illusion. Now the loneliness laughs at its cruel jest. But I can go on, for you are there. I can escape tis madness that surrounds me, for you are there. There is hope, while you are there. ARE YOU THERE? Are You There? are you there?
Living - Loving together - each other peacefully - joyfully content - exploring knowing - wondering in love - alive
Content in my discontent I would love secretly fearing the pain of rejection. Better, I thought to fantasize than to face the possibility of rejection. Then, one day I found a love my boundless dreams could not contain. I cast aside my fears bared my soul and gave my heart... Rejected. I may love again but only in dreams and be content in my discontent.
Walking the winding road sharing the way with fellow travellers occasional nods, a smile a handclasp pointing out to one another the wonders 'long side the way... a clump of flowers a golden field of grain the song of a cricket even the ravages of a passing storm; one must exclaim the beauty of its unbridled strength. Travelling thus each moment holds new delights new experience is a life in itself So filled with the wonder of each moment I take each step unfettered with concern for the next. Rounding a bend along the way I come upon a man with his back to the road facing a sheer wall of cold gray rock that at some point above breaks its sheer climb to cross singing meadows and forested havens of life then climbs again until its snow covered crest brushes lightly against the blue... but the man sees nothing of this he moves his head to neither side up, or even down to witness the life in profusion at his very feet. "May I be of any service?" I ask He turns a cold "No." in my direction. "What are you doing here" I ask "Waiting" he replies "For what, sir?" "A beautiful experience." ...a butterfly pauses in its flight a brief moment upon his head "Would you turn your head then and witness the world around you?" "No! I may miss it!" I open my mouth to object when a soft hand touches mine. "Come', she said ' he cannot be dissuaded from waiting and there are many like him. They wait in caves and dark places shutting their eyes to the beauty around them hoping for that which surrounds them; wanting eternity but fearing it for they are unable to see the beauty in each moment of it." I smile and say "Some day, the mountain will wear away" and we walk along, laughing watching two lambs frolicking in a pasture beside the way as the evening sun admires its reflection in the now golden peak and a field of flowers tosses their fragrance across our path bidding us to enjoy a moment an eternity
I want to love you to find the key that unlocks the door to the soft warm core inside of you To soothe for a moment the fierce fear that bares its claws when love comes near To strip you bare of every care and linger in the light of your loving eyes To share the secrets hidden deep in the darkest corners of your soul To make your memories of loving sweeter To caress you gentle you kiss you keep you embrace you and set you free I want to love you.
Only nothing is forever. But, not all of nothing is forever. Sometimes you will find something where nothing was. Eventually, though, you will always find nothing where something was.
Clinging, grasping mouthing impassioned pleas and promises of forevers. ego feeding embraces warm, moist passion consumes anxieties; giddy, breathtaking discoveries of soft firm flesh and something more...... with reason overwhelmed in a surge of emotions and buried in a smother of flesh, truth emerges heaven is at hand exploding, flashing, tearful ecstacy we are one and all that is in the eternal now. but, passion retreats and emotions cannot withstand the relentless march of reason and we are left again clinging, grasping mouthing impassioned pleas and promises of forevers in hopes of a moment.
They tell me that by doing it this way I'll save time. I wonder; Will I be able to use that time when I need it? Hello, I'm Mr. Barnes and I'd like to draw fifteen minutes from my temporal account. Certainly! Would you like that in AM or PM, sir?
I try so hard to be what you wish in me that I will no longer be when you are in love with me.
"Are you trying to tell me you don't love me like you used to?" I have never loved you like I used to... I just loved you the way I was loving you right then.
Softly invading now and then dreams smiling, beckoning, then hiding while I search longingly for something that if I found I could not hold.
* Foolish autumn moon becomes entangled in the branches of the tree. ** Riverside hut hangs suspended in early morning mist. *** Autumn leaves brighter now bejeweled by morning dew. *
Wrapping my mind in your warm glow the clamor stops no questions no expectations in that moment I am free I love
I destroyed your remains today the small remnants of a love and a person I created, something that never was out of nothing that ever was in lonely desperation to fill a need and you were perfect of course; a bright warm glow to fill a gut wrenching empty darkness a harsh unreal reality that became softened and dreamlike in your presence. The shadows and echoes of your being swallowed by the sea now like the setting sun.
I Broken hearted but smiling in spite of it or perhaps because of it. II Old man spring blossoms bends to enjoy and falls III I pointed out the moon to you I am not offering just sharing. IV In the quest to find ourselves it would be so much simpler if what we found turned out to be what we were looking for. V Silly kitten has finally caught its tail Careful... too hard a bite could spoil the game.
~ Field of blue flowers Rippled by summer breezes what a fragrant sea. ~ ~ Bluebirds arrive early this fine summer morning begging for breakfast treats. ~ ~ ~ Ah, this warm spring day may finally melt this icy blue winter mood.
A baby cries an old man farts ah, sweet music of life.
I have walked the blue hills that formed the horizon of my child-home; walked the blue hills and beyond. Beyond mountains more majestic than told in tales beyond great seas never so vastly imagined. I have walked sunlit streets crowded with humanity and dark alleys where the barely human barely abide life. I have walked in driving rains and gentle mists in unrelenting desert heat and in the soft warmth of spring. My feet have been numbed by winters icy onslaughht and danced exhilarated on autumns carpet of fire. I have flown to peaks of ecstacy on loves gentle wings and plummeted to the depths of despair at loves lost known love and hate joy and sadness lent a hand and turned my back on a fellow man. The years and miles fade behind me memories dim scars heal footprints where I have trod disappear. But, that is yesterday... todays dawn breaks and in the distance the blue hills that form this new horizon beckon me to begin another day to continue this magnificent journey called life.
He had a greasy paint spattered friction taped soul and saw the world with only one eye. "But," he said "what difference does it make? It all works."
~ Lemonade afternoon slowly front porch swinging passing neighbor waves. ~ ~ Walking barefoot on fresh mown grass the old one smiles ~ ~ ~ Lemonade afternoon fades into twilight fireflies tango over the lawn ~ ~ ~ ~ Ice cream Sunday young girl in pink dress savors strawberry sundae.
I was watching a buffalo stampede in Tibet in 1903 when a Monarch butterfly happened by peeped in the porthole then disappeared in a fog bank. Who would you watch a Tibetan buffalo stampede with but Teddy Roosevelt?
All my life a dull ache an awareness of something missing. Then, suddenly, You were there. The ache became a memory in the warmth of love filled summer days and nights, remembered not at all in autumns rapturous delights. Winters chill held no portent; the joy we knew seemed heaven sent. Springtime now brings another dawn; I turn to hold you but you are gone... Sharp pain now but I'll shed no tears; just cherish the memories for all my years.
Long sleepless nights with little else to do but think think of where you are not. Hours to remember the moments in the arms of your loved ones. Hours to remember the moments in the body of your loved one. Time to remember the tears in the eyes of the little one who doesn't understand why, why is her daddy leaving again? It caught her unexpected this time the half packed suitcase, why? You try to explain but the words sound hollow, you don't really believe it yourself, not when you think about what you're leaving. So, then, you don't think about it. Now, in the lonely hours, the tears flowing are yours, but they don't look like tears or feel like tears. They have the look of despair, they have the feel of emptiness that happens when love is far away. You're caught in a trap, the trap of habit. Such a devious trap. You hide it yourself with rationalizations and they come and let you out every two months. Ahh, the sweetness when you're out. The warmth in your loved ones arms, the heat of passion in your loved ones body. The tears in the little ones eyes are sparkles of joy and the minutes and the hours and the days slip away like a lovers summer. The days laugh, the nights smile and you are caught up in living and loving and living and loving to catch up. To catch up on all the moments you missed; trying desperately to make up for nights and days and love and life, all the moments when you were needed and wanted... You can't. The time is gone and time gone is time lost, lost forever. The opportunities, the problems, the successes, the failures, all gone beyond your grasp. What could have been, isn't, can never be. But, you try. You try so hard that you barely notice it's almost that time again. Oh, it creeps in but you dismiss it, you don't really want to notice. Being where you are feels so good. Why spoil it? Then, the ticket comes undeniable Special Delivery. Even now, surrounded by love and warmth and caught up in living what it was like seems unreal and far away a bad dream perhaps and maybe it wasn't really that bad and this time off has sure been great and, well...afterall, we do have to pay the rent. Firm resolve: Next time... (it's always next time) I'll find something else Next time I'll start to look around earlier at other possibilities. In the meanwhile, though, it's really been wonderful and I hate to go but we gotta eat. You're gone again, caught up in your trap so neatly concealed with rationalizations, and memory helps. Good old memory smooths out all the rough spots, stuffs the loneliness away in little pockets out of sight, even drags up an enjoyable moment or two or a conversation with a shipmate to help you along. You're at the airport and reflex takes over and you're jockeying for position in the check in line and then the long walk down lifeless corridors that could be used for a movie set where the inhabitants of the planet are robots with metal hearts and crystalline brains, no feeling required. It's that way everywhere you go, airports are not built for flesh and blood human beings. Oughta buy a magazine... your plane is now ready for boarding... the stewardess smiles the same "allthewaybackonyourleft" smile (they call it professional) and "Hey buddy, how was yer time off?" Just great, looks like we're at the back of the bus again." Fly for two hours wait at another airport for four... Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot... gawd, I hope this character next to me doesn't snore... she does. Another airport milling around, luggage grabbing, you say no to the strange accent trying to sell you a taxi ride... there's a bus waiting and at the end of that the ship. The smell of loneliness is cleverly disguised by spreading confusion around the trap and the lonely desperation of the other crew has been replaced by the joy of expectation, they are being released, going home! It doesn't come yet the log trip and confusion dull the senses. New faces, my name is--- means "who the hell are you?" The "beach people" smile(they don't have to go) and "where's the gawdam messdeck?" "Hey, anybody seen----?" it's called Port Call. The lines are finally cast off it's even a relief just to escape the confusion and you're underway watching the people, the city, the land slip away. It's gentle this final move away from love from warmth from those that really care. The ship slips through the water dragging its wake along and drawing a shroud of blue around itself from horizon to horizon till all you can see is blue on blue sky on sea and now, now it begins once more. Long sleepless nights with little else to do but think, think of where you are not...........
To love you was a dream; to share the warmth the light the softness of you seemed out of reach even for the dreamer who effortlessly raced across heavens bounds. Then you touched the dreamer and all the dreams he'd ever dreamed came true in the warmth the light the softness of you and he soared to heights that seemed out of reach even for the dreamer.
You rage You weep you presumably lose sleep over the plight of the poor the homeless the sick the children whose fathers mothers the whole world have deserted. Lamenting the lack of caring of sharing love in our cities our nations our world. We sit around decrying the injustice the inequities the hate the crime the waste; blame the government politicos big business religion unions... "Them" "those others" All the ills of the world the nations the cities the neighborhoods our homes! are "their fault" It's "just not fair." Well, good news! there's a light at the end of the tunnel! Oh, that's not a light it's a reflection of yourself when you take a moment an hour a week (you decide how much) and make a committment give of yourself your time skills hands eyes, legs some sweat your LOVE at a shelter a hospice a clinic a library a hospital a food bank even something as seemingly ignoble as a litter strewn street (opportunities abound). Too much to ask? OK! Then instead of weeping give a smile to a stranger instead of raging say a kind word instead of blaming accept responsibility. It's your world if you don't like it YOU must be the one the place where change starts.
I see you and I know our love was grown in some other time. Shall we love again now or perhaps tomorrow in an eternity yet to be. We loved then I know we shall again.
Across infinite miles having travell'd paths man can only dream of, the meteor screams into ,atmosphere and is gone in a brilliant flash no longer than it takes a child to say "I wish.."
swirling, whirlingCome visit sojisans homepage
Hang on! Hold tightly!
like a child
the upright strut on a
playground - merrygoround
and watch the others
with arms & legs
mouths laughing & grinning & shouting
under fear lit eyes
Hold on! Tightly!
Hang on, dear ! mother says
Hold tightly, son! father says
Let go! Let go!
Let go?! Hell, no!!
Others clinging shout...
Don't! Let! Go!
Hang on Daddy?
Let go !
Well...my arms are getting tired...
Hang on, mister! ! Hang on, Daddy?
My God, I don't know! !
Who's out there?
All of us.
No, you let go.
No! Don't! Let go!
in time & space
is anynow & everywhere
Rock of Ages
We'll drown them out
Gran'pa, I love you
let go! let go!
You sure? YES!!
small swirling whirls
of clinging arms
fear lit eyes
sing I love you
Rock of Ages
My God! Let go!
smoky deep bright
you let go
and i see
my dazzling arm
and sparkling feet
deep bright smoky
I love you
Who turned the friggin' lights out?!
Can I turn'em back on?
you tell us
Of course I can...
Hey! Hee-hee! That means....
LET THERE BE LIGHT!
Spring moon but the veranda is covered with snow. * Spring snow? No, it is the moon shining on fallen plum petals
Standing alone in the dark at my window Fireshadows dancing along the walls Starlight flickering over a distant hill Memories of you shimmering through my mind Standing alone in the dark.
I've been trying to write a poem for you ever since we met but the words don't seem to come I've decided, then to live my life as a poem for you.
I was going through some old letters a few days ago when I came across a picture of you from all those years ago. It was sort of odd too, because just a couple of days ago I'd been thinking of you and how beautiful you were. I smiled when I saw you there, then I frowned... I hadn't remembered your nose being quite that large or the way your right eyelid drooped a little more than the left and I wondered if you always had your hair done that way. It had to have been a bad picture, so I crumpled it up and threw it away and sat there, smiling, remembering how much in love we were and how beautiful you were.